Fading

i won't leave in a fiery rage.
i won't leave behind a slamming door.
There will be no flood of tears.
No petulant tantrums.
No begging or pleading.
No fight.
When i leave i simply stop existing in the way i always existed before
Like the wind when it stills, quietly becoming air
or the last ray of the setting sun, fading before it turns the corner of the earth and becomes a sunrise elsewhere.

One minute You feel it, the next minute You won't.
One minute You see it, the next minute You don't.

Maybe You'll notice right away,
maybe it's something that will come to You later,
but someday i will become noticeable only for my absence
indefinably yet conspicuously not there,
like being in a house and suddenly realizing there are no pictures on the walls
or hearing an orchestra with no violins.

i don't fade because i'm angry.
i don't stop because You made me.
i don't leave because i no longer want to be there.
i go because not every orchestra piece has a part written for violins.
Because not every house design works with every piece of art.
i go because nature needs wind, but it also needs stillness.
Because there is a time for sunrise and a time for sunset.
i understand loss and change as a part of life
Like everyone must someday, i have learned to let go
or at least accept the new thing i have to hold on to.

Still there is a deep and soundless sadness each time i have to leave where there is no part for me.
Still there is a secret, daring hope that one day i will find a place where i am truly meant to be.